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Radio Yerevan Jokes

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Posted by Jakub  November 13, 2016  Leave a comment

By Allan Stevo
January 14, 2011, Bratislava, (BratislavaGuide.com) - If you grew up west of the Iron Curtain, you might not have known that Yerevan was the capital city of the Armenian Soviet Socialist Republic. If you grew up east of the Iron Curtain, then you definitely knew.
In fact, there was a whole collection of jokes that were popular in Slovakia (and throughout the Eastern Bloc) about Radio Yerevan´s propaganda belching news reports. The jokes mimicked a question and answer show on the radio that allowed listeners to write in. Correspondingly, the jokes followed the format "Radio Yerevan was asked..." and "Radio Yerevan answered..."
The jokes, usually delivered deadpan, poke fun at society and were even a method of political expression during Socialism when political expression through more serious channels was dramatically limited. Below are a few examples. We welcome you to share some of your favorite Radio Yerevan jokes (or any jokes) in the comments section below.
Radio Yerevan was asked: "What will be the results of the next elections?"
Radio Yerevan answered: "Nobody can tell.Somebody has stolen yesterday the exact results of the next elections from the office of the Central Committee of the USSR."
Radio Yerevan was asked: "What is chaos?"
Radio Yerevan answered: "We do not comment on national economics."
Radio Yerevan was asked: "Could an atomic bomb destroy our beloved town, Yerevan, with its splendid buildings and beautiful gardens ?"
Radio Yerevan answered: "In principle, yes. But Moscow is by far a more beautiful city."
Radio Yerevan was asked: "Is it true that Adam and Eve were the first communists?"
Radio Yerevan answered: "Probably, yes. They both dressed very sparingly, they had modest requirements toward food, they never had their own house, and on top of all that, they believed that they were living in the paradise."
Radio Yerevan was asked: "Does one get 10 years of prison for saying that Brezhnev is an idiot?"
Radio Yerevan answered: "In principle yes, because that's a state secret."
Radio Yerevan was asked: "Would it be possible to bring Socialism to the Sahara?"
"Yes," replied Radio Yerevan, "But after the first five year plan, we'll have to import sand."
Radio Yerevan was asked: "Why did they establish a Ministry of Navy in landlocked Armenia. Do you have a sea?"
Radio Yerevan answered: "To spite Azerbaijan. They established a Ministry of Culture."
Radio Yerevan was asked: "Is it true that there is freedom of speech in the Soviet Union the same as there is the USA?"
Radio Yerevan answered: "In principle, yes. In the USA, you can stand in front of the Washington Monument in Washington, DC, and yell, ´Down with Reagan!´, and you will not be punished. In the Soviet Union, you can stand in the Red Square in Moscow and yell, ´Down with Reagan!´, and you will not be punished."
Radio Yerevan was asked: "Is it true that the poet Vladimir Mayakovsky committed suicide?"
Radio Yerevan answered: "Yes, it is true, and even the record of his very last words is preserved: ´Don't shoot, comrades.´"
Radio Yerevan was asked: "Is it true that conditions in our labor camps are excellent?"
Radio Yerevan answered: "In principle, yes. Five years ago one of our listeners was not convinced of this, so he was sent to investigate. He seems to have liked it so much that he hasn't returned yet."
Radio Yerevan was asked: "Is it true that the Soviet Union is the most progressive country in the world?"
Radio Yerevan answered: "Of course! The life was already better yesterday than it's going to be tomorrow!"
Radio Yerevan was asked: "Is it true that in the Soviet Union no one lacks a stereo system?"
Radio Yerevan answered: "In principle, yes, you hear the same from all sides."
Radio Yerevan was asked: "Is it true that half of the members of the Central Committee are idiots?"
Radio Yerevan answered: "Rubbish. Half of the central committee are not idiots."
Radio Yerevan was asked: "What is the difference between an optimist and a pessimist?"
Radio Yerevan answered: "An optimist learns English – a pessimist Chinese."
Radio Yerevan was asked: "What would happen if one of our leaders had a heart transplant and received a Western heart?"
Radio Yerevan answered: "In principle, nothing. The heart plays no role with our leaders."
"Dear Radio Yerevan, I don't know what's the matter with me. I don't love the Party any more. I feel nothing at all for Comrade Brezhnev or any of the other leaders of the Party. What should I do?"
Radio Yerevan answered: "Please send us your name and address."
Radio Yerevan was asked: "Is there censorship of the press and radio in the Soviet Union?"
Radio Yerevan answered: "In principle no, but it is unfortunately not possible to go into this question in any detail at the present time."
Question to Radio Yerevan: "Is it correct that Grigori Grigorievich Grigoriev won a luxury car at the All-Union Championship in Moscow?"
Radio Yerevan answered: "In principle, yes. But first of all it was not Grigori Grigorievich Grigoriev, but Vassili Vassilievich Vassiliev; second, it was not at the All-Union Championship in Moscow, but at a Collective Farm Sports Festival in Smolensk; third, it was not a car, but a bicycle; and fourth he didn't win it, but rather it was stolen from him."
Radio Yerevan was asked: "What if socialism were built in Greenland?"
Radio Yerevan answered: "First snow would become available only through ration cards, and later snow would be distributed only to the KGB officers and their families."
Radio Yerevan was asked: "What is the socialist friendship of nations?"
Radio Yerevan answered: "It's when Armenians, Russians, Ukrainians, and all other peoples of the USSR unite in a brotherly manner and all together set out to beat up the Azeris."
Radio Yerevan was asked: "Can Communism also be in the USA?"
Radio Yerevan answered: "Yes. But who would give us our wheat then?"
Radio Yerevan was asked: "Which four factors inhibit the agricultural development?"
Radio Yerevan answered: "Spring, Summer, Autumn and Winter."
If you would like to learn more about Armenian culture, skirting the border between Asia and Europe, under the thumb of mightier empires for centuries, take a look at these Armenian recipes, books on Armenian history, and books on Armenian society written in English by members of the extensive Armenian expatriate community. If you are traveling that way, take a look at Lonely Planet´s books from the region.
Allan Stevo [write him] is the editor of Bratislava Guide. Jokes listed are courtesy of HammerAndTickle.com, the Radio Yerevan Facebook Group, HyeClub.com, and Wikipedia.

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